FirsT RulE OF AlchemY

Human Kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return to obtain something of equal value must be lost, that is alchemy’s first law of equivalent exchange

MOral FIber

Moral fiber is finding that special thing in ur life, that thing u really care abt, more than anything else in the world. When you find her, u fight for her you risk it all, u put her in front of everything, ur future ur life all of it, and maybe the sutff u do to help her isn’t clean or enough, that doesn’t matter but in ur heart u no that the juice is woth the squeeze. THATS WUTS MOAL FIBER IS ALL ABOUT.

The Hole, the Power

I sometimes think it’s true when they say that when God made man he had made them with a hole that can never be filled. Like look at us today, our needs are never fulfilled; there will always be something that we want. Even after getting something brand new a few weeks or even days later we want something new and so we are never satisfied with wut we have been handed down. I can even admit that I am not satisfied with wut I have, it will be very wrong of me to say that I am cuz quite frankly im not.

I was watching a movie yesterday, im betting all of u has seen it. The Godfather 3. The Godfather had gone from being a normal mobster to being one of the most riches casino owers to being just a legitimate business with ties to the Vatican. But now i ask is when it is enough. With time he has gotten more power and he has used that power to help the ppl around him and the general public also but he has also used that power to get more power. When is it enough? He had always talked about protecting his family, which any man would, when his family is under attack any normal man wud do everything in his power to save them and prevent any harm from coming to them. But there are sometimes some casualties and some sacrifices that must be made to protect the family. If u recall Don Michael had to kill his brother in law cuz he had compromised the family and was the cause of death for his brother Sunny. His own flesh and blood had been killed cuz of the man that his sister had married. So he dealt with it and did wut was necessary of him. Then unfortunately he had to order the hit on his own brother Frado. This time it was his own flesh and blood that had betrayed him and he had also wut was necessary of him which was to make sure such a thing never happens again cuz u only live once so u better make sure that nothing can happen to u or your family. In the final and last instalment he was able to become a very rich man and amass almost everything that a person can ever want in life but in the end he lost wut was SOO dear to him, his own daughter. He had worked all life to get all this wealth for his daughter but in the end she was killed and his hard work had gone to waste. He had lost wut was most dear to him. Something that he cud never buy or be able to get. Something that was lost forever. In the end of the movie he dies alone in the country side. Once the most powerful man in America, the leader of the families is now, in the country side of Sicily dying alone without the comfort of his wife, without the help of his son to help him in old age as he did during his father. Don Michael didn’t want to get into the family business, thats why he had joined the army to get away from it all, but his father was in harms way and it was necessary for him to become involved and with the death of his brother it was upto him to make sure that the family was respected, happy and above all protect from everything.

So this hole which he had consumed him in his work and caused him to do so much for his family and protect them has take that thing. We are never satisfied with wut we have and always want more. But how much more do we want. Like it has to stop something. And as u goes higher up in the ladder the more dangerous everything becomes.

If there is one thing that I learned from the move

Now there are some ppl whose wish is to be remember after their death, they wish to become legendary like Achilles had become in the battle of Troy. But i don’t wont to be remembered, cuz I don’t believe i can reach that title of legendary, someone like Amitab Bachan cud but I don’t think it is possible for me to reach that plain. So instead I want to be remembered while I am alive, I want power like Don Michael, the respect of others. Yes sometimes u will have to make the bad decisions and live with it. There will always be blood and death around you but i think i wud like to live in that situation. Be a part of something, the loyalty, honour and respect that comes. Even if i was his body guard I wud be part of the family and that wud earn me some respect cuz at the end of the day he will only keep those ppl as his body guard who are only close to him and trust worthy.

The Room

RIf you had read “The Window” then this is kind of the continuation. As I can remember was that I had stopped her and this time embraced her like I wud never let go. My hands had become a human lock around her. I had no intention of letting her go. We finally broke off. Gasping for air, we were breathing heavily, like we had just run a mile and out of breath. All was silent and the only noise was the sound of us breathing. We were still very close together, staring into each other’s eyes. I was still mystified by them. I still unable to find the mystery behind them. I cud smell the perfume she was wearing, it seemed to send a tingling feeling through my body. It smelled of sweet honey and roses. I must say it was very strong and the only scent that i cud smell. It was such an amazing feeling, i felt like nothing could go wrong. I was happy for the first time of my life. All my problems seemed to disappear and the only thing on my mind at the moment was the exquisite woman in my arms. Her aura seemed to mesmerize me. She was the only thing in my mind; it was almost like an obsession. She had casted a spell on me and I had fallen right into it.

She finally started to make a move; she had broken from my arm lock and moved her grace hand from my forearm to my hand. She did it as gently as possible as if I was a delicate flower she was picking from the garden to bring into the house for her lover. She stopped at the upper part of my hand and let it stand there for a while until finally let her fingers fiddle with mines and then she took my fingers and intertwined them with hers. Then she turned around and as she did her long black brownish hair brushed against my face, it gave off the sweet smell of nectar. She was leading me somewhere; my legs which had seemed to have weighed over a tone had now become as light as a feather. I was at her control; i yielded myself to her mercy and was willing to do anything she wanted of me. The feeling was similar to like it wud be in Dracula movies where his gaze wud make woman yield to his will. But this time it was just the opposite.

We were walking down the hallway which i wud go down every time but this time it seemed so foreign to me as there was someone leading me through it. I had lost all sense of direction and was just being the sheep following the shepherd’s orders. She finally came to a door. She stopped at the door, while still holding my hand and then turned around and cuzing me to move forward reducing the distance between us. Her hands where behind her and so was one of one of mines, she was leaning on the door. Her Deep red lips seemed to be growing brighter and brighter with every moment. She pulled one hand out from behind her and gently touched my face moving it down my face and then put it to the back of my neck, she then brought me closer to her. Her lips were to my ear, I cud her hear pulse beating, it was as calm and steady as a surgeon’s hand. She whispered in my ear, softly and slowly. With ever word she, drew a deep breath, as if they were going to be her last, “I have missed you my LOVE.” These six words seemed to send a warm feeling which engulfed my whole body. She then delicately gave me a kiss on the neck and opened the door.

She led me inside the room. She sat be beside the bed. Then after which seemed like years she spoke to me in the most softest tone, “Beloved don’t worry, just relax and let me take care of you for once.” She spoke as if we were ex lovers in another life time, but i seem to not have any memory of it. Yes i did know her and recognized her but not as a lover.

Her hand now moved towards my face, it wasn’t steady but trembling as if she was scared of me or of touching me. I quickly took her hand in mines to calm it down. But her hand still continued towards my head, it skimmed through my hair and then to my face. Her touch felt so warm and soft. She then moved in closer and kissed me. Once again our lips had locked together, I cud now feel wut she was feeling. Her lips gently, delicate and soft, had a warmth feeling to it. Our minds had become one with each other and our thoughts shared.

All of a sudden without warning, she started to lean on me. I tried to hold us up but she kept on leaning in and with each second it was getting heavier and i started to feel the pressure slowly build up. Until finally I couldn’t take the pressure anymore and my body automatically started to lean backwards on to the bed slowly. She continued to lean in, she was now on top of me leaning forward onto my body. Her hands started to move from my chest to my stomach searching for my hands. After an exhausting search her hands finally met mines. She slowly moved them above me like she was pinning me down. She finally broke off and leisurely moved towards my neck. Kissing it as she was moving along it, i felt her hair on my face, my hands moving along her back. Suddenly, i felt a sharp pain in my neck, she was biting me, it felt like a short pain but soon started to die down as the pain numbed and started to feel nice. She finally broke off and she jerked her head backwards which cuzed her hair to fling backwards. I had a clear view of her, and I started to move up as if there was magnetism btw us and the way she moved was the same way i moved. I was holding up myself up using my elbows. She was again coming down for another go like a bird of prey zooming down to pick up her prey. Our lips met yet again, our tongues started explore one another`s mouth, as if they were trying to get to know each other. I didn’t want this feeling to ever end but just ask time to stay still at this time forever and never go forward.

From the silence finally some sound has emerged, i opened my eyes to see wut was the source of the noise but that was my biggest mistake, time had not heard my plea and had denied me something special. I find myself in my room, my cell phone ringing as i had set the alarm to wake me up as i had a meeting to attend. I was covered in sweat, and looked at the clock. It was yet another very passionate dream. For once i wish i could wake up with her beside me but unfortunately i know that will never be possible and will always just remain a dream, nothing more and nothing less.

Bond, James Bond

Im betting that everyone have seen the latest James Bond Movie “Casino Royale.” There was alot of skeptism in bring Baniel Crag as the new face of Bond. But I think he was a good choice cuz Casino Royale was when Bond actually became bind, it was when Bond was promoted to 00 status. he made his first kill. He really felt it. Every moment of it, choking his adversary, draining the life out of him, but at the same time also know that he is going to die and that wut ur doing is also wrong. He also knows that if he stops or heasitates that his adversary will not take a second to not pull the trigger or stab you. Bond learned from that no matter what that he cannot hesitate for even one moment cuz if he does then it mean the end of him. So if an idea came to his mind then he has to follow up on it without thinking twice cuz it maybe his last thought.

Shot and ask questions later is his motto. That is the laws of engagement these days is that either kill or be killed simple as that. Hence his finger is always on the trigger ready to pull.

Another thing that was brought to my attention was the problem with his ego. Everyone says that he is a fine agent but the moment his ego comes into the equations is where things start to go bad and clouds his judgement, but i like to say that its actually not that way but is ego is what makes Bond who he is. Like when he was playing poker and he lost the first time and that was a huge amount but he was actially able to find Le Chiieefs tell and it was actually his own ppl who tuned on him and told his enemies his plan. So i like to say that we all need our ego, it makes us who we are and allows us to keep our pride and honor. It sets us a bit different from other ppl cuz each person has a diff amount and something u cannot do without no matter what.

The Bike Ride

Today I did something that I had not done for almost 3 years. I went biking.

I was going home from work. It had been a frustrating day. I was on the bus. Usually on Satudays around 6 the buses are usually packed to the brim. Thank the heavens that i was able to grab one b4 it was too late. The sunlight was flashing on my face. I had a very serious face and was going to bit the head off of anyones head off. I was nearing my house wen all of a sudden a though had crossed my mind. I quiclly grabbed my cleephone and texted a frnd to see if the as on campus or not . Instantly he replied saying he was still there. I told him to stay there and ill meet him there in 20 mins. I quiclly got off the bus and started to run towards my house. I took out my bike that had been rusting.

This was a used bike that I had justed received from a frnd and it was my first time riding it. To my surprise it was too tall for me. Toget on seemed to be the hardest part. I finally managed to get it on. Put my foot to the metal. Put my aviators and started to peddle. My body started to balance itself off like it all of a suddenly switched to auto pilot. I was going down a hill, it was a very hot say and very humid. As i was going down the hill the humid air was all of a sudden was transformed into gushes of cool air. As i moved down the hill I was picking up speed and hence more resistance against the air. The cool air was hitting my face and hydrating it at the same time from the long exposure of sunlight. I was picking up speed so i adjusted my gear to my speed. I moved my chest closer to the steering wheel so as to decrease resistance. All of a sudden my glood started to pump faster, I could fell my pulse racing, with each second. I mad a turn but what i was abt to see next would cuz me to freeze. A child had been running to get her ball and had landed up on the bike path. My body automatically made 2 movements, my fingers reached for the brakes and my hands turn the steering wheel to the left, but making these decisions at at high a velocity would turn into a dangerous outcome. I hit the curve and was slingshot into the air. For a few seconds i felt like i was flying and then it all dark…………………….

Dependence

Have u ever felt like u are always the person who has to be the one trying to be nice and make sure that the ppl around you are happy? Or that the fact that everyone can come to u for help but you cannot go to them for help, and the reasons being that they don’t give u the time to actually tell them abt ur story or that they are just o self obsessed with themselves. Or the fact that even if u tell them wut the hell the problem is that they cant help you at all.

So at the end of the day you are the one ppl are dependent on and u feel sometimes that they are using u. Yes i no wut ur thinking y the hell don’t u just stop helping them and etc, but hey u cant just stop doing things, its not a switch that u can turn off and on. Ppl aren’t just fucking miserable for no fucking reasons. They are miserable becuz of reasons that are sometimes out of their own power and there is nothing that they can do about it but just be miserable. Yes they can change but when u are in a hole as deep as misery, depression, and just fucked upness then all u feel like doing is staying in the hole. They will show a certain face to ppl but inside they will be eaten up and u no wut there is nothing he or anyone else can do. But here is the interesting part, he is functioning properly, he is doing wutever that is required of him, he is doing his daily duties, performing the necessary tasks. He is fine during the day when he has other things to occupy his mind but its at nite that his thoughts start to gather up and eat him up.

And trust me im betting that person has looked at the problem from almost every angle possible. He has tried every solutions possible but at the moment there is nothing he can do. Simple as that, he feels helpless. And the most IRONIC part of the matter is that, he can give advice to ppl, help them out and always knows the rite answer, knows wut to do and is always there to lend a hand, shoulder, tissue, and wutever he can lend(lol) but when it comes down to helping him out there is not one, it cud be an ego thing, he thinks that there isn’t anyone who can provide the help that he wants, like he helps ppl according to their needs not to his own, cuz at the end of the day if u do something in a way that the other person isn’t happy then wut the fuck is the use if the other person is happy. Cuz ull doing the job yes but ur doing it in ur way and not the way that the other person wants. So its pointless. So i believe it is the same situation over here.

So he starts hating the world for wut it has been doing to him. And he feels helpless and he returns to something u calls a life and cruises through existence maybe one day he is able to be happy or just continue to live his life with each day just killing him until finally he dies.

My frnd the Addict

I have a frnd Adam, he is a great guy. He has everything going for him. The usual, he is on the Dean’s list, he has a loving family, an amazing job, woman and etc. So wut more can a guy ask for, am i rite? Well he has a few problems which are that major but it sometimes forces him to drink. Like this guy is so much fun when he is drunk and says and does the funnies things u can ever imagine and spends money like he earns. He buys drink like crazy and spends like 80 to 120 bucks a nite. But everything has a limit i like to put. And i had slowly noticed that he was crossing the limit and he was no longer having fun but abusing alcohol to get away from some of his problems that he was facing. He over did it a few times and I being his best frnd though that it was time that i play my role as his good frnd and tell him that he has to cut down. So finally we were able to bring his drinking down to like only 50 dollars a nite so that his cover wud cost him like 10 dollars and he is able to only drink 40 dollars worth of alcohol. Like all good plans they successful in the beginning but later on if it isn’t maintained then they started to fall apart. You see getting to the top isn’t the hardest part but maintaining that position is the more difficult part. So it was affective for a few months but then it started to go downhill again and he over did it again. So i had to step in and told him that listen dude u have to give up drinking up completely cuz look at wut its doing to you now. Its killing u inside and just not that but its also killing ur wallet cuz alcohol isn’t cheap and he spent over $200 in one nite and thats something. So again it was a great plan for a few months, he didn’t touch a glass of alcohol. And things seem to be getting better. He had more money in his pocket, he was able to see the other side of partying in which there is no drinking and actually be sober the whole time and actually remember wut had happened. Here is where the interesting thing comes in, since me and him usually always go out partying together and im always the sober one i remember all the details of the nite and he has to call me up and ask me wut he had done and if he owed me money. Like once i convinced him that he owed me 50 bucks cuz he vomited in the cab, and i cud have gotten away with it but being the NICE person i am i cudnt go ahead with he, to this day i think i cud have pulled it off without anyone knowing anything.

Well coming back to the point he started to drink again, yes he did. He called me up and asked if i wanted to go out with him, usually i wud have actually just put something on and run out the door, even if im tired as hell i wud still go out cuz i need it to relax. But for some reason i didn’t go out that day. I stayed home. Adam called me 3 times to make sure if i was coming and by the sound of his voice i knew that he was drinking and also that he was also out of it. Well i was like it the usual. I stayed up the whole night and went to sleep at like 8am in the morning, at 12pm i get a call from Adam, he asks if i could come and meet up with him, the sound of his voice gave me the impression that it was serious and that i need to get my ass out of bed and go meet him. That too only with like 4 hours of sleep. Well i go meet him and i find that he had a black eye and pretty bruised up. Yes eye was swollen like a melon, it was was mixture of purple and blue and in some regions black. The shape of his eye had also become very irregular. He jaw was also batter up pretty badly, in such a way that his mouth was sort of slanted.

I quickly ask him wut the hell happened to him. He tells me that he has no memory of how it happened to him. He was that intoxicated. All that he remembers is that he was at a frnds house and after that he woke up at the hospital, but naked, with sensors all over him and a tube up his nose. The first person he called was me. So i sat him down and we grabbed some to eat. I then told him and analyzed his problem and told him how to go about it. He almost broke down into tears. But i told him that nothingis going to change unless he stops drinking. Yes i no i have been through this road but wut to do, all my other frnds wud have abandoned him but hey im not like them, yes he does have a problem but don’t we all and unless one of us steps in and actually helps another person out then it will just be a vicious circle that will continue.

So now he is a bit shaken up but lets see what happens. He is going to give up drinking all together, or keep in moderation or will he actually just go back to his old ways.

Only time will tell.

Sarkar

I was watching a Hindi movie yesterday. It was called Raj Sarkar. Its a copy of the Godfather, but in the hindi version, this was the sequel. But for some reason i had liked the first one better than even the Godfather movies itself. I think the main reason y i didn’t like the Godfather was becuz it was a slow paced movie and also cuz it was b4 my time. But Sarkar was an amazing movie. Sarkar had more drama, it had intense scenes. The song “Govinda” was amazing and i cud here it all the time. It was an amazing story abt how sometimes even the bad guys can do gud but in their own way and style. Yes their methods can sometimes be questionable but they get the job done and also they are doing everything for the ppl themselves. But unfortunately the laws of humanity will not let that be, their rivals try to take them out and assassinate them. The movie in over all is very gud and something that i don’t mind watching over and over again.

One of the lines which i liked was “Killing someone is a crime but killing someone at at certain time is POLITICS. Power CANNOT be given it has to be TAKEN.”

The feeling of GudBYE

I had watched a series long time ago, i think about like 4 years ago. For some reason i had grown attached to it. It talked abt a painful teenager hood that they were going through and for some reason the series had touched me to a very emotional point. Well i had watched all the episodes but unfortunately I was unable to see the season finale of the whole show it self. For some reason i was reminded about the show and i searched for it online and saw the season finale. In the promos it was telling me that they all were going to die and finally i got to see wut had happened to them. I was able to see that they all lived and rode off into the sunset. But for some reason i felt a bit bad that I was saying good bye to these characters forever.

The feeling was like was like i was saying good bye to a person who is very dear to me. Like i will never be seeing them again. They will never reapper. Call me old fashioned and all that but hey i all of a sudden felt something and that i will never see them again.