Moving again

Hello ppl, or the ppl who used to read my posts. I know it has been a long time since I have written. I honestly dont know y i had stopped. I think i just got busy or just lost interest in writing. But recently i posted some of my work on facebook and some of my frnds really took notice to it and one of them was kind enough to motivate to write again as she noticed that writing and expressing was a whole diff side of me she had never seen and she was surprised to see it. I kinda got the feeling that she thought that i dont open up to her but I can only say that I guess i have become so defence that I chose to be prepared then get caught with my pants down.

Well I just finished my year abroad and heading back to my home town and country which I am excited about. I will be meeting old frnds and re-joining new ones that I had made across this time I spent on my year abroad. I feel like a very changed person since I left Canada. I feel that this year has really taught me to express myself more and be more frank with ppl, a lil more than I think is necessary but I used to always be the passive type of person who would rather not get into something and just let things pass him buy or let ppl walk over him a lil.

This new year brings alot of new things in my life. A new job, new positions, new frnds and whole new look on life. Some bad and some good but I have to roll with the punches as everyone says. Its the only way that u can truly live life. I can say that I am not pleased with certain things about back home and I am pleased with some. But I will be getting a better understanding of it when i get home. Then i will have the full picture to understand what is happening and what isnt.

I guess the feeling that I am trying to express is that some of my old frnds who i thought to be my dearest of frnds today dont seem to be that dear anymore. I feel that there is a rift btw us and that I have been the one having to ALWAYS bridge the gap between us and honestly I am tired of all the shit. i am tired of the whole superficial frnds and I dont need it anymore. If i want those type of frnds i mute as well go and just pay for some.

The trip back home again proved to me that I am the one that always go out of my way to help ppl but when I ask help from ppl either they dont do it or the universe some how conspires to make sure that i do not receive the aid that i had asked for and so i am left by myself to fend for myself. But thats nothing new, i guess one can say it is the story of my life. Many think that I am a very complex person, honestly I am not, i dont think they are as simple as me. I am frank and to the point and try to make sure everyone is happy. Sometimes I guess i forget to look at my happiness as things are like that but my father would always try to tel me that dont go out of ur way for these ppl that u may call frnds as they will only disappoint and they have. I cant think of a time i havent been disappointed. I tried hard to prove my fathers saying and theory wrong but I guess age, wisdom and experience were on his side. I wonder if I will grow up to be very bitter and be non trusting as I will not be happy with how other ppl do it and always do it myself?? I guess i have just been disappointed with certain things and I am allowing them to affect me more than it should have. Like i talked to another budy of mine after what i think 3 months and I told him that I will be in town and that maybe we should meet up. The guy says cool and then says that another frnd( i know the guy but just dont like chilling with him) of his will also be in town the same time and that we three can chill. I dunno y, the old me would have been like YEAH lets meet up. The more the merrier. But this time I was like no i dont wanna chill with that guy cuz i just dont like him. He then replies that dude he is one of my gud frnds. I was like yeah soo i never sed he wasnt. The fucking jackass doesnt see that I am one of his closest frnds too. I meet the jackass before his fucking other frnd. Fucking ppl forget so easily what u have done for them and what you mean to them. I really do not feel like even calling him after that. You could say a bit harsh but thats what i felt from the conversation.

I guess I just frustrated with life a lil, that can be explained with the fact that I am moving my life once again from one place to another. To be honest I dont think i should be stressed. Its not like i am doing something that only few ppl do. I am doing something that almost everyone in the whole world has done or will end up doing. So y am i stressed?? Lol. I really dont know y.