Never there when i need a favor………………

Y is it that when ppl need things that I am always there for them but wen it comes down to my time they are never down. Yes they try their best but something comes along and blocks them from helping me out, now y is that? Even if they want to help me something out of their control comes in the way and they are left out saying that sorry dude, u know I wud have if that hadn’t come up or some shit like that. Like something always comes up that stops them from helping me out, even if its something external thing but with me even if there is an external problem i try to over come it. Like wut the fuck, and the thing is that I thought that even my closest frnds wudnt betray me in theat manner cuz i had always gone the extra distance for them. Yes they have done stuff but y is it that i am not satisfied? Do i expect too much from my frnds. I used to be tormented by these thoughts for along time but I used to put them aside and say that no its not like that and looked the other way and at the brighter side of things. I think I believe too much in the concept of give something and hope to get things in return. Is there something wrong with me. I am torn btw 2 sides on wut to do. I feel sometimes that my frnds arnt really my frnds, they sometimes become strangers to me and i feel like they don’t even know me and I don’t know them. Sometimes I feel like not talking to them and just staying away from them. Its true when they say that you are completely alone in this world, cuz you are. I feel pretty alone and that there is no one behind me. Yes spiritually ppl are there but come on for how long can u get support for a fucking spirit? Like seriously come on. At one point you will be like unless I literally have something to fall back on then i have no one and thats what i feel like at this very moment in life. I feel like there is no one that i can reply on and make sure that they are there to catch me. I have trusted and lost alot and as a result I am again afraid to trust and confide in others these days. At one point of them you feel like that the whole world has turned against you, im sure many ppl have had similar feelings and no what i am talking abt.

Maybe i think in my own way that i doo alot for other and if someone else looked at it then they wud be like yeah thats nothing compared to wut someone else did. Then again im not bragging that i do alot its just i ask ppl for things wen i need it or wen i really need things and then they are like yeah sorry i cant help you. The worst is when they give you the fucking hope and you are led on to believe that things will be going ur way when in a split second they say something and everything comes down crashing on you and you are like WTF. And then u just say FUCK OFF to them and maybe ruin the frndship all together. I used to be afraid of the and thats y i never used to speak out against my frnds and kept quiet cuz i didn’t want to lose the frndship btw us but then at one point it came down and I no long cudnt hold it in anymore and started to fight back and was tired of everything. Like wut the hell, we are frnds and you shud take my bullshit, sine ur my frnd i am willing to put up with ur bad habits and since we should be there in times of gud and bad you should be fucking able to do the freakin same thing or else this freaking frndship is just shit or just one sided. Yes one of u will keep in taking it until that person flips and cant take it anymore and just calls the thing off.

Am I being paranoid or something? Or do i just want more than life is offering me at the moment?