Well I got back to my home country and so happy to be back. It is almost i never left but things have changed and I have to start dealing with it. It is not the same city that I had left behind. Ppl have moved on with their lives. They have made new friends and I feel that the year I had left alot of ppl had started joining my circle of friends. Thus I know of like two to three ppl that have joined and become very good friends and I still have not met all of them.
I actually had dinner with one of them and they turned out to be pretty nice. But time will tell. I finally found a place to live, seem it is not possible until my father and I have a huge fight and thats what had happened he stopped talking to me for like a week or so and within the week my apartment got finalized and looking at out past the same thing happened again. Well we are in talking terms again so thats a gud thing.
Well I also got a job so that will start to make things a lil hectic and this is my senior year so I need to come off with good grades hopefully. I am sort of excited for school as I have alot of things to do this year and I am looking forward to certain things.
At the same time I am waiting for this one girl who am am madly interested in. Just hope she makes the right decision.
I also got the iPhone 4 and love it, its like the only that has been keeping my entertained and happy. At the same time my brother is coming down to town and that means more responsibility for me as he is not in Uni and in highschool and the age where things are bound to fuck up. So I have to keep a close eye on him. This changes things for me.
Well lets see what this year brings.
Adjusting Back in
Im looking for a new house and it has been a painful process. Like my plans for where I can live has changed to so many times that it has become such a burden. Like looking for an new house is a problem but this is just above and beyond that. I have no clue what else to do. Well I finally found a place, surprising enough it is the apartment building in which I used to live. It is perfect, close to the Uni and also close to my friends and the neighbourhood is quite nice and safe at night. Well unfortunately they only have one more apartment left. And I am going to see it on monday and I dont know if I will be able to get it. This is stressing my out alot as if I do not attain this one then its back to the drawing board and I have to start looking for a new place and the worst part is that its already the middle of august so getting apartments now is not easy to come by and it is really a pain in the asss. I am stressing out about this alot and do not know what to do. Wish I could just fast forward in time to basically get over all the shit that I am facing rite now.
I have recently just moved back to my home country by myself and finding an apartment is becoming a pain in the ass. I guess I have my parents to blame as they are trying to find a place in a certain area and so this makes my life a living hell. They keep changing their criteria everyday and as a result I am left in limbo. I am not happy with as it gives me more headaches but what to do.
Everyone believes in a free country and that everyone is treated equally no matter where they are from, who they are and what their skin color is like. I would have to respectfully decline that. I live in a country where ppl are truly nice and they do treat everyone else nicely but at the end of the day I feel that no matter how things are it will still be a little different because of the color of my skin. We have seen it happen with black people, even after they were accepted they were not completely accepted in the sense that they still needed a few more years before things had become normal. If a respectable person of color was driving the car police offices would still stop that color to check it out. I am on the other hand brown and I feel that I am not taken to be as equal as a white person.
Well the thing is that I have tried to improve myself as much as possible to be more acceptable and be able to get the jobs and other things that I want in life. I have changed my outlook on things, i have changed my physical appearance many times to see which one gives off more positive energy, I have tried to become better at speaking, have an idea about different topics, be able to understand things in a better light and keep an open mind. But at the end of the day it is no use. I have tried to mole myself into a perfect person so as to be liked, treated equally and be able to do and feel the things that a normal white person is going through.
I have traveled the world and I have to say that people at first glance did not like it when I approached them for directions, or that I wanted to know about something. Because the first thing they looked at was my skin color, now i know that brown ppl dont have the best reputation in foreign countries especially the illegal ones. They destroyed the reputation and as a result the new generation have to deal with these problems. Now initially alot of the ppl i had met that i was illegally living in countries, desperately trying to get paper work and that my cover story was that I was a student and i was uneducated. But its exactly the opposite. It was not until I spoke english fluently and talk to them about about global affairs did they realize that they are not dealing with a two bit brown person. I am sorry to say that I even met some brown ppl who thought I was illegal.
I honestly dunno if there is anything else that is in my capacity to change so as to be more accepted as an equal that I already am doing. I am trying my best to fit in and it isnt helping. I feel frustrated at times that I am of the same qualification of another person but I am not chosen just cuz my skin color seems to be different.
Now i know alot of you may argue that no that does not go on. Maybe it just happens to me. I personally wanted to write this post cuz I needed to get it off my chest and also its something that has been affecting me alot recently.
Well the frnd that really got me back into writing is Yamini and I think its only fair that I rite a small piece about her. Well where to start lol. She is pretty much a fun loving person ( i know what ur thinking which person isnt lol) but she is, deep inside her heart she believes in other ppl and is either a inspiration or motivation for her frnds. She is kind and always trying to help out. Her biggest talent and quality is the fact that she can make everyone in the whole room laugh as she walks it. Be it if she does it intentionally or unintentionally.
ive only known this person for what 1.5 years now and we have become close frnds. As you mite say i am the listener of her conversations always. yes i pride myself on being the listener, the reason is i dont mind listening to other ppls problems or the gud things in life that is occurring to them. This brings me to a interesting point, she thought I was not one for expressing my emotions and she thought she was a bad frnd cuz i didnt express myself to her but honestly yamini its really not ur fault. i blame the million of jackasses i met along the way. I just prefer to be a closed person in person. The blog does allow me to express myself but at the same time it lets me keep anonymity and so ppl do not know who I am.
Anyways coming back to her, shes a pretty strong willed person I personally believe and the reason for that is that she has been through some hardships that I think she should have never had to go through as she is such a wonderful person full of life and smiling all the time. Trying to look on the bright side of everything. She is a nerd at certain times not all but apparently the one year I was not in town things have change and she has become even more nerdy and not the life of the party/ group which I am a lil disappointed, but I guess it would be selfish of me to always want that. LOL.
She is the perfect frnd to hit up the movies cuz shes up for almost any movie possible and Im a movie fanatic myself so its always fun going with someone who does not whine abt the movie ur going to watch. She is pretty much one of the guys as she is always up for doing something. She cooks a mean veggie dish LOL and cant play poker that well i would know i kicked her ass but she trumped me by beating my ass in guitar hero and mortal kombat vs DC. Damn u yamini haha.
Well according to her she has changed alot. That should be interesting as I have come to know a certain person and no that person has change, become WAY more responsible, but I guess that happens, when you are in first and second year of uni u tend to just mess around and do whatever it is u want to but come 3rd and 4th year u have to buckle down and start thinking abt ur future and I cant say thats wrong cuz honestly I am doing the same,well actually ive been doing it since i started uni. thinkin abt how to pass all my classes and trying to get into the work force.
She not VERY religious but she still follows the guidelines lol which i find interesting as I know that she will not eat any meat on tuesdays as it was something she has done since she was a kid and i respect that. But at the same time I love her for being a party animal, well im one to so its always fun to be in the company of others.
Well i can say that this piece has not done justice to her as she is much more amazing in person. Trust me I would know but heres to u Yamini.
Hello ppl, or the ppl who used to read my posts. I know it has been a long time since I have written. I honestly dont know y i had stopped. I think i just got busy or just lost interest in writing. But recently i posted some of my work on facebook and some of my frnds really took notice to it and one of them was kind enough to motivate to write again as she noticed that writing and expressing was a whole diff side of me she had never seen and she was surprised to see it. I kinda got the feeling that she thought that i dont open up to her but I can only say that I guess i have become so defence that I chose to be prepared then get caught with my pants down.
Well I just finished my year abroad and heading back to my home town and country which I am excited about. I will be meeting old frnds and re-joining new ones that I had made across this time I spent on my year abroad. I feel like a very changed person since I left Canada. I feel that this year has really taught me to express myself more and be more frank with ppl, a lil more than I think is necessary but I used to always be the passive type of person who would rather not get into something and just let things pass him buy or let ppl walk over him a lil.
This new year brings alot of new things in my life. A new job, new positions, new frnds and whole new look on life. Some bad and some good but I have to roll with the punches as everyone says. Its the only way that u can truly live life. I can say that I am not pleased with certain things about back home and I am pleased with some. But I will be getting a better understanding of it when i get home. Then i will have the full picture to understand what is happening and what isnt.
I guess the feeling that I am trying to express is that some of my old frnds who i thought to be my dearest of frnds today dont seem to be that dear anymore. I feel that there is a rift btw us and that I have been the one having to ALWAYS bridge the gap between us and honestly I am tired of all the shit. i am tired of the whole superficial frnds and I dont need it anymore. If i want those type of frnds i mute as well go and just pay for some.
The trip back home again proved to me that I am the one that always go out of my way to help ppl but when I ask help from ppl either they dont do it or the universe some how conspires to make sure that i do not receive the aid that i had asked for and so i am left by myself to fend for myself. But thats nothing new, i guess one can say it is the story of my life. Many think that I am a very complex person, honestly I am not, i dont think they are as simple as me. I am frank and to the point and try to make sure everyone is happy. Sometimes I guess i forget to look at my happiness as things are like that but my father would always try to tel me that dont go out of ur way for these ppl that u may call frnds as they will only disappoint and they have. I cant think of a time i havent been disappointed. I tried hard to prove my fathers saying and theory wrong but I guess age, wisdom and experience were on his side. I wonder if I will grow up to be very bitter and be non trusting as I will not be happy with how other ppl do it and always do it myself?? I guess i have just been disappointed with certain things and I am allowing them to affect me more than it should have. Like i talked to another budy of mine after what i think 3 months and I told him that I will be in town and that maybe we should meet up. The guy says cool and then says that another frnd( i know the guy but just dont like chilling with him) of his will also be in town the same time and that we three can chill. I dunno y, the old me would have been like YEAH lets meet up. The more the merrier. But this time I was like no i dont wanna chill with that guy cuz i just dont like him. He then replies that dude he is one of my gud frnds. I was like yeah soo i never sed he wasnt. The fucking jackass doesnt see that I am one of his closest frnds too. I meet the jackass before his fucking other frnd. Fucking ppl forget so easily what u have done for them and what you mean to them. I really do not feel like even calling him after that. You could say a bit harsh but thats what i felt from the conversation.
I guess I just frustrated with life a lil, that can be explained with the fact that I am moving my life once again from one place to another. To be honest I dont think i should be stressed. Its not like i am doing something that only few ppl do. I am doing something that almost everyone in the whole world has done or will end up doing. So y am i stressed?? Lol. I really dont know y.
Hey guys,
Haven’t written in a while, but I just watched this movie called Wake up Sid. Well the one thing i related was first that he sleeps in and well ive been doing that alot, like alot. Well he is a student who just gave his xams and is awaiting for the results to come out. He comes from a upper class family in India. Now Sid isn’t ur round of the mile ambitious to get into the new world like most of us, look for a job and make something of ourselves. Sids actually completely different. He on the other hand wants to go party with his frnds and just have no worry in the world. He is still a child at heart and does everything like a child. That quality is wut attracted me to the movie, we all get old and we slowly start to lose a part of ourselves to this vicious thing called life. Now yeah i know wut ur saying yes we have to grow up but come on u find urself looking in a mirror and no longer cant recognize who u are. U could have all the money in the world but still not be happy, actually u can be but only as long as u have that money to back you up. But again u cant let it get the best of u either and thats wut happened to Sid, he let his inner child get the best of him and didn’t care abt anything. He had loving parents who had worked hard to get where they are today so as to just be able to give their only son the best that life. As u guys may have heard from ur parents they are working hard so as to be able to give u their children, their love everything that they weren’t ever able to get, i know during arguements u just basically think of something defensive to say but if u actually stop and look at the scenario, they actually did work that hard to get u everything, feed u cloth u and bring a smile to ur face. I know that my parents have done and are still doing that. For that I shall forever give them my respect and my love. I hope one day I will be able to become the son that they were hoping to get. Well finally the results of his xam come out and all his frnds had passed but he failed. He then blamed his best frnd for passing as they were supposed to either pass together or fail together. Sid now frndless and bewildered goes home. He tells his mother he failed and was going to get a lecture but instead he reacts in the wrong way and words are exchanged. His dad comes in and demands him to apologize to his mom, it ended up with him having to leave the house. Sid had also befrnded a girl who had come to Bombay to become independent and basically make it on her own. He helped her get a place fix it up and furnish it. Now basically since he had no where else to go he goes to that frnds house. He starts to live there, but he is as mess as he was at home and the girl had to always clean up. She works for the local magazine Bombay beats. Now one day Sids frnd didn’t end up coming home and it was getting late, and in frustration he threw a plate on the floor and broke it. For a moment he stared at the plate, and realizing something that he should have realized long ago, hes not a kid anymore, he picks up the pieces of the plate and takes them to the trash can, he cleans up the mess in the house, and then that day he decideds to get a job. Now he is a very gud photographer he then gets his life together. He becomes a photographer for the same magazine his frnd works as, he started as an intern and slowly moved his way up. Gets back with his family and also get the girl. Well that sums up the movie but I was touched by the whole concept of family parents, being a kid and loving every moment. Living in the moment, being happy, that moment we all have after graduating from university to getting a job, im talking abt that brief period in between the two phases. U feel like nothing matters for a while, all u want to do is have fun and never want that moment to stop, all u feel like doing is partying, celebrating that 4 yrs of hard work and sweat to reach this far. U feel like doing something that u have never done before, experience something that makes ur heart beat 50 times faster than it already does, want to see everything in slow motion so as to get everything, cherish this moment that u have been blessed with the ability to come this far, not everyone is luck to be there. But there is a bad side to it also cuz after those few nights reality finally hits in, u have to get a job and u are among the lucky ones then u already have a job lined up and if u don’t then ull be having that problem we liked to call postgrad where finding a job is wut matters and its the hardest thing to do. Thats when u feel like u were still back in school with the normal assignment and xams. Well anyways just wanted so spare something i saw and thought. Hope u guys have a great life after uni and let the inner child come out once in a while.
For some reason for the last few days I all of a sudden was just angry with everyone and everything. I feel like that I am gonna blow up on everyone and its like that everything someone says or does seems to irritate me. I hate being around ppl. I just felt like staying to my self but that could also be becuz wut happened to me in the last few days. I was talking to a frnd and she wasnt going with what I was saying, ususally I would be ok with that but for some reason it was really hitting me and I felt like getting into a fight. For soem reason it was just killing me adn i felt like hurting someone and breaking someones leg or hand or etc. I was also pissed off at my roomates for the last few days and I felt like snapping at them but I kept my cool cuz i knew that it wouldnt be rite of me but I still felt like it. I no that by doing this I would be losing frnds but I feel like this new year is gonna be even worse. Things are gonna get way worse b4 things ever get better. Its how are and gonna go for a long time. Its better to accept than resist it. I just feel so angry, it seems that all the anger that I had suppressed all these days during the break is slowly coming out and breaking loose. Lets face it this year has been the worst and the vacations have been even more shittier than usual and the beginning of school in this situation isnt helping anyone. I just wanna get over everything and finsih this year and say gud bye to everything. Things have just been depressing and I want something that will change that make my life better and just happier.
I used to think it was true when they say your high school frnds are frnds with u for no use and are just ur frnds but ur uni frnds are frnds with yo for a reason. But things changes and so we do and wut we think. It has been over a year since i saw any of my high school frnds and the only way I have been in contact with them was bu the only ways possible facebook, msn and eamils sometimes. But there is only so far that you can do to keep in touch with ur frnds. There is that physical factor that must be there. That hand shake or that hand motion and and just physically be there. I cant say that I was a bit disappointed but i was just blown awaya bit. I lost contact with some frnds which I knew would happen but thena gain i was hoping to keep in touch with the others but it never happened and as the days went by and days turned into montsh and then turns to months and then it turned into a whole year. I made on of the biggest mistake of thinking that things would stay the same with us cuz i did i still view them as close and as close as I did the day I left them. But it seems that I was the only one that thought that and felt that way. I started talking to a close frnd of mines and i cant blieve that she sed i wasnt her close frnd but just a frnd. Another very close frnd who i thought was dear to me had just ditched me and stoppped talking to me. The guy didnt even wish me on my freakin birthday, and that hurt me. So one by one im losing my frnds, its not like i want to and i can keep them but that would mean that i would have to do maximum of the work to make sure that we remain frnds. So now im faced with the delimma of having to work to keep to those frnds to letting them go to, on top of that there is also the fear of losing more frnds.
